Snowboarding

Going riding today, first of the year and me and my 12 year old son are getting ready to go do what we love, this will be my 25th year riding and its not to hard for me to ride even though I can’t see for shit all I need to do is carve around the blurs which is usually other riders

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All about brian wells (me)

I use to have a type A personality, all hardcore career soldier in an only alpha male combat job, fucking awesome! Now I’m a retired type B personality male who is basically a ( no offense ) house wife, oh and Im sort of bat shit crazy but that’s obvious.
So the good stuff now
I’m softer at times and more sympathetic, to people, I’m a good listener and actually take thought into the comments I give, I love a lot and enjoy being loved and pampered.
Now the brain stuff
I’m paranoid about everything and nothing, im not afraid of death or pain and can almost shut it off, I’m emotional so I get mad and cry often or sometimes just feel nothing towards anyone especially if you piss me off, I can hold a grudge for years regardless of how they feel, sometimes when its super cold my temp goes up and I can’t stand it or if its to hot I’m freezing, I enjoy being sad and don’t think I deserve any better, I have to take naps since my brain slows down after a bit and I get loopy.

I sound like a mess but and its a big but I’m not that bad a person.

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Thanks dude

Someone took a dump on my heart and then I was punched in the balls, in the dark, while eating pizza and watching a movie. Damn I’m fucking weak.

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rap

trying to sneak in the dark, little ass dogs run around and bark

sounding off alarms and all lights see me

need to run fast but damn I gotta pee.

 

shoulda hit the head before I went out

now i’m gonna get caught like a hook in a trout

stopping here i’m fighting death i’m hiding now and i’m not scared

 

taking cover, shooting back, through a frag then tie my rag

i’m taking fire, bleeding out, seeing double and I start to shout

i’m dyeing now im almost dead they’ll never take me

so I grab my sidearm and put a round in my head 

 

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God

Why is it they say “god will give you as much as you can handle”. I use to say that and actually believed it, but god I think your fucking me over, I thought I lived because of you but since I was shot my world has been a shit sandwich. Most of my friends are dead or gone, I’m half a moron, I’ve destroyed my family and my hopes of happiness and belief in it. I was retired from my love of country, my military because a blind semi efficient man can’t do the job of a war fighter and people wonder why I hate, its this and the “I love you” that are thrown to me in such sick empathy for me because of what has happened. When god are going to see that I have all I can carry and my shoulders are getting to sore

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just words

sitting here today I was watch the documentary of me and two other veterans of the war and getting a Traumatic Brain Injury. It really hurt to see the way I talked and looked sounding all slow and stupid, I know I should be lucky to be able to do what I can do after being shot through the left part of my brain just seven years ago, but I want more, I want to drive, I want all my vision back, I want to be able to run and swim strait, I want to be able to be able to use the left side of my body naturally instead of having to think carefully about it, and most of all I want to be able to go to sleep in peace and not to be afraid and stay awake until 4 a.m. every morning until 6 a.m.

sometimes I wish my friend didn’t save my life a I would have died with my brothers. 

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